Get a goddamned haircut.
Once again I need to go back to the old and tried argument that no teenagers live like this, and in MTV's desire to include everyone, this group of friends looks like the UN Kids from The Simpsons, and in reality, with all of these different archetypal personalities (they're archetypes not characters) it really makes no sense for any of these kids to be friends--they are all in different social groups, which means, in high school, you aren't friends: Breakfast Club got it right, My Generation got it wrong, and Skins makes My Generation look like Six Feet Under.
To be honest, I can't form sentences in relation to this episode/series anymore. This is like Jennifer's Body and Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans level of bad so I'm just going to cherrypick moments of stupid.
"Candy mountain is calling and we're taking him home." I hope John Denver hits that mountain while they're on it.
"We're going to get retarded on drum and bass. Mambo." Nobody told the writers or the actors the danger in going full retard.
Kurt Cobain: "You got a lot of knives."
Twat #3: "Yeah, aren't they cool?" I laughed so hard the gun almost fell out of my mouth.
Who talks like this? Who lives like this? Where are the awkward moments? Where's the humiliation and self-recrimination? Where's the unnecessary cruelty? The dialogue is over-written enough for Diablo Cody to take notes during, the attempts at double entandre are just subtle enough for Terry Schiavo to roll her eyes at.
I tried a Silence of the Lambs joke, I tried a rape joke, at the end of the day, words fail.
"You finally get a VIP tour of Neverland." With Michael Jackson, hopefully.
"Break it down, that is so tight. Rambunctious shit going down." I hate WASPS. I hate Skins.
"My nipples aren't hilarious." Neither is this series.
On a side note, The New York Post said that Skins "a look at the secret lives of real American teens" and the Huffington Post called the writing "Brilliant." Like I said: The New York Post and the Huffington Post. Just saying.
I understand that this series isn't a representation of my generation. This is for the cell phone/Facebook generation, so maybe I just don't get it. At the same time, I really don't see this being accurately representative of the youth of the nation of any generation, and I understand that it's hard to write teenagers, especially since teenagers change generation to generation, but then why base your entire promotional campaign around the claim that Skins is a generation defining series? The only thing the younger audience might go for is the vicarious living they will undoubtedly do through these characters.
In the pilot miniseries of Battlestar Galactica, Commander Adama reflects in a speech about humanity winning the Cylon War. He said he didn't know why humanity was chosen to survive, but in our survival we need to be worthy of surviving. After Skins, I look forward to the oncoming Cylon holocaust.
By now we've all heard that the PTC has taken up arms against Skins. They call the show kiddie-porn. Look, I really can't stand the PTC, and I really can't stand Skins, so I don't really know who to root for here. Either way, I think we all know what jokes I could make from this so why don't we just call it hysterical/inappropriate/dirty/miserable/brilliant and call it a day?
Next Saturday--Rant: Wikileaks.